hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
