Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
