I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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