Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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