so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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