Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
