He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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