and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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