i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
