nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
