I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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