Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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