I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
