I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
