the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
