Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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