My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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