Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
