I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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