so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
