just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
