Sponge bath it is.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
