i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
