Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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