Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
