Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
