I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
