He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
