He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
