your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
