At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
