Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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