i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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