He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
