Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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