i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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