i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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