probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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