The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
