I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
