you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
