dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
