wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
