So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize