Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Randomize
