I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
