I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
