Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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