: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
