TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
