if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
