Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
