Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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