its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
