Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We are two peas in an std pod
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Less talking, more tequila
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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