I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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