I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
