well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
