He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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