She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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