when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
