I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
