i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
