I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
