its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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