I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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