Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
