well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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